I so wish I could have a summer break. It is what I need. Seriously. I'm tired of school. I'm tired of my house. I'm tired of cold weather. I am actually wearing two sweatshirts today cuz I am so cold. It's rediculous. I wish I was still with Ryan. He is my world. I can't stand not being with him. He makes me so happy. He is my life. He is what I am living and risking my life for. I joined the military so I could be with him. I want to be with him. I really really do. I don't know how to explain to him how much I love him. He won't listen to me no matter what I tell him. I am crying myself to sleep every single night. I'm depressed at school. I don't even want to get out of bed. I just want to lay there and cry. I cry a lot more now he's not with me. I even drank last night. I don't usually drink either. I hate drinking. But it made me feel so much better. I want to feel better all the time. I love him and I lost him. I don't want to be without him. He always made me feel good about myself and love being around everybody. I don't love being around people anymore. I don't care anymore. Its not worth this pain. I'll just drink my pain away like I did last night. Last night was the best I had felt in a long time.

I am so excited. I passed all of my proficiencies to graduate high school next year. As sophomores we have to take 3 proficiencies which are math science and reading. As a junior you have to take another one which is writing. I don't know what my math score yet but my science was 328 reading was 3 somthing and my writing was an 8 or 7. I don't know. But I am extremely happy. Prom is this weekend too. My dress is so pretty its not even funny. I love it. And my fiance is coming with me even though he's not in school anymore. This last weekend me and my fiance had drill for the Army. We both failed our PT tests but we will be working out everyday after I get out of school. I am supposed to be leaving in a month but if I don't pass my PT test I will be getting discharged. I really don't want that. I like being in the Army. It's a lot of fun.

So I decided that my school sux. My step dad is going to Afghanistan and the school fucking took my cell phone. I was supposed to be getting a call from him today too. I hate them all. I also want to see my fiance and I can't see him unless I can get ahold of him which now I can't. This is fucking stupid. I want to be able to talk to my family and my fiance. But at least I have peole here with me. Like Kim. She's awesome. I don't think I want to go home. I want to go to my fiance's house. I was over there yesterday and we had a BBQ. That was a lot of fun. I love his family. Most of them love me too.

So I have had a pretty good year. I've stayed away from drama most of the time. Soon to be a senior! WOOT WOOT!!! It's pretty exciting. I'm getting married too! This year has been extremely amazing. My fiance is the most awesome guy in the world. Got down on one knee and everything. I'm also leaving this summer. I will love it. Of course I will be away from the fiance but I will also be away from the family. Another WOOT WOOT!!! Haha. I will be living the military life for 3 whole months! Go camouflage!